sticky thoughts and baby dust

A new chapter of our journey began this week. After several weeks of blood draws, injections, and ultrasounds, it was time for our second embryo transfer. Leading up to this new chapter, I had mixed feelings of pure joy and feelings of fear and anxiety. This was new to me. Both of the previous transfer days, I felt nothing but excitement...my heart didn't know to feel any different. Both of those days were beautiful and perfect in everyway...but they had two completely different outcomes. I do not have any feelings of regret. It is quite the opposite to be honest with you. I feel as if my heart has learned a different kind of love and loss. I am humbled. It is a privilege to be part of each and every moment of this journey with two of the most incredible guys I have ever met. With all the love, tears, joy and sadness, brings everlasting memories that have shaped my family in remarkable ways. For this, I will be forever grateful.

In the months leading up to our second transfer, it became more clear to me that I wanted this day to be one that stands out from the first. I wanted this not only for me, but for Udi and Matan as well. They were so supportive of me seeing an acupuncturist leading up to the transfer as well as on the transfer day. Adding something new and different experience while helping us with a successful transfer.

On Wednesday, Jake and I dropped Rylon off at my parents with Jackson and Addy being picked up from school. Nana and Papa and Grandma took the kids over night and spent the day with them while I was on bed rest. They had a wonderful time creating memories with their grandparents with plenty of FaceTime throughout the day so I could see their sweet faces and hear their voices.

We went to Salt & Straw for a little ice cream before heading over to ORM. We took Udi and Matan there during their visit here last November and it was fun to reminisce about the memories that we made together when we first met almost a year ago! Once we finished up our ice cream, we FaceTimed with them and they joined us as we walked "together" to ORM! 

I arrived at ORM and my acupuncturist, Lisa Pate was there waiting for me. We chatted for a bit before being brought back for the transfer. Once I was changed, Lisa came in and placed all the needles in specific points on my body for a pre-transfer treatment.

I was required to drink 1 Liter of water 1 hour prior to my arrival time so my nurse came in to scan my bladder to ensure that it was full enough. As she is scanning, she says, "We are going to have to empty out so your bladder is not too full during the transfer." Say what??? I get to pee BEFORE the transfer? She continues, "Yes we will have you empty out 1 cup. Possibly more depending on how full you are after the needles come out." I was able to FaceTime with the guys once more time before the transfer where they could see the needles sticking out of my ears and the top of my head. We sent each other lots of love and hugs and luck for the transfer! 

Lisa returned to remove all the needles and my nurse came in to scan me once more. I think her eyes about popped out of her head when she saw how full I was. "Your bladder is bursting at the seams!" I am going to have you empty out two cups of urine." I have never had to pee and stop mid flow before so I practiced in between cups. :) It wasn't too bad after a few moments of discomfort. I was the most comfortable that I have ever been for a transfer!

I returned to my room and Dr. Bankowski came in to explain what was going to happen during the transfer. Before he headed to the OR he asks if Jake is going to suit up and come back for the transfer. I was so excited for him to be able to see what I see in there. He has been so intrigued by this whole process so this was a neat experience for him. 

When I was wheeled in, I saw Udi and Matan's beautiful embryos on the screen. Dr. Bankowski says, "The embryos have grown and expanded since this photo was taken." The embryologist then says, "The embryos have hatched completely now!!!" Those beautiful words gave me chills from my head to my toes. The transfer began, and the embryos were placed delicately in what will hopefully be their home away from home for the next 8 months!! Dr. Bankowski finishes the transfer with, "Everything went perfectly!" 

After the transfer Lisa met me back in my room to place needles in specific points on my body for post-transfer treatment. I am so thankful to have had Lisa there to share in this journey with us. She is a ray of sunshine and gave me peace and serenity on our special day.

I FaceTimed with he guys once more to share with them how everything went. They were finishing up their dinner and having a glass of wine for me! I came home to beautiful flowers on my door step from them! It was such a thoughtful and wonderful surprise!! 

I got all snuggled in for my bed rest and had a visit from my dear friend and rock star surro sister, Ashley, who gave birth to her surro babies last week! She brought me a pizookie, a yummy sticky treat that I brought her on her transfer day! She also brought each of us elephant bracelets, symbolizing hope! I cherish her friendship and am thankful that we have been able to share in each other's journeys. An incredible, once in a lifetime kind of friendship!

I couldn't of been happier to have my three little loves back in my arms. I loved all of their snuggles, cuddles and sweet conversations about Mommy carrying babies for Udi and Matan.

I think one of the most amazing differences between this transfer and our previous transfer is all of the incredible memories that we were able to create with them on our trip to Tel Aviv over the summer. I was able to get to know them more and fell in love with them and this journey even more! I was able to meet their family and friends and I love and adore each and every one of them! I am so honored to be part of their journey to happiness and to be chosen to carry their dream come true!

Udi and Matan, I am so honored to be sharing this journey with you both. You have shown our family unconditional love and support and I am so excited for what the future holds for all of us. "Everything will be amazing!" are words that will stay with me forever...beautiful words of hope and love spoken at a time when I needed to hear them the most. I love you both so much!