2 lines....2 babies???

The last week has been such an emotional week....the most emotional part of this journey this far.

It is so hard not to paint this perfect picture in your head as to how this journey will play out. Expectations are made without even realizing it. In the moment that something does not go as I imagined it, it becomes very difficult to digest.

In my last post I mentioned my fears in regards to sharing the pregnancy test results with Shahar and Roi. Knowing my body and how I was feeling, I had no doubt that I was pregnant and I wanted to share the news when the results came back from ORM and make it "perfect." Perfect was an unrealistic expectation. As excited as I was for them, they were bracing themselves for bad news, just as they had received 15 times before. They have experienced an unimaginable amount of heartache and every time they would get excited, something would bad would happen.

On Monday, I was not able to share the news with Shahar and Roi. I tried to call and I got no answer. Shahar was afraid to hear the news. It is so important for me to share this journey with them. For me, that is the difference between this being their pregnancy and this being my pregnancy. 

I shared my feelings via text with Shahar and she shared hers with me. It was so wonderful to be able to be there for each other...put ourselves in each other's shoes. We ended up rescheduling our Skype call to Tuesday morning.

As much as I would have loved to share the news on Monday, our conversation could not have been more perfect!! Lots of tears of happiness and to see the smiles on their face as they allowed themselves to put their guard down and accept this joyous experience into their hearts was priceless. Everything happens for a reason and I am so honored to be part of their journey to happiness.

My hCG levels have more than doubled in the last 48 hours and Dr. Bankowski said we would could go without the blood test on Friday. He was very pleased with the results. We all agreed that having another test would give Shahar and Roi reassurance that everything is going well for their baby or babies! The "head count" ultrasound is scheduled for the 26th of November!! 

Some changes have been made to my daily medications. They decreased the amount of Delestrogen I will take on Mondays and Fridays and the Progesterone has been cut in half but still getting that injection daily. In addition to that, I take a progesterone vaginal insert of Endometrin 3 times a day. Since I did not ovulate, my body is not producing the hormones to sustain a pregnancy. I will continue the injections and the Endometrin for the next 8 weeks. At that point the placenta takes over to keep the baby or babies baking.

All of your sticky thoughts worked and I am feeling pregnant with more intense morning sickness than with my three babes. Hoping that means there are two babies baking in there!! 

Test day

Since the beginning of my surrogacy journey, I have been so excited for "test day." To find out that this journey to happiness has a picture perfect future in store for the intended parents. Now I sit here the day before my blood test and I am terrified. All of this excitement to tell Shahar and Roi that it worked, has turned into being nervous and anxious. Something like this is usually an intimate moment between parents and I am this by standard. This has been a whirlwind of emotion for both of them. Years of disappointment and heartache. It doesn't matter if the news is good or not so good tomorrow, there will still be uncertainty in their hearts. Waiting for their dream come true to unravel. 

I ask for my family and friends to keep this amazing family in your thoughts and prayers, that they are able to open their hearts to the possibilities of what the future may bring to their family. I am sure they are sitting awake counting the minutes until they get that phone call tomorrow. They are 10 hours ahead and it will be nearing midnight before they get any news. Super sticky thoughts for "two lines" and high hCG beta level tomorrow!!

2ww

2ww---the 2 weeks following the embryo transfer. As excited as we all were for the transfer day to come, it was another "hurry up and wait" moment in our journey.

I have not written since a few days before the transfer. Leading up to it I was a big ball of excited nerves. 

The day of the transfer, I was so thrilled to Skype with Shahar and Roi. See their faces right before their beautiful embryos were going to be transferred. 

When we arrived at the clinic, we were brought back to the exams rooms and then through an exit door....Jake says to me, "Are we getting kicked out?" Hehe!! There was a part of this office that we had never seen. 

As soon as we got into my room, I met with the embryologist, my nurses, my IVF coordinator and my doctor who was doing the transfer. They brought in the iPad to Skype Shahar and Roi.....ring, ring, ring.....no answer. They tried again, still no answer. Unfortunately we missed being able to talk to them. I did receive this message from Shahar:

"I guess you are inside now and I know that it is not easy for you, but I am with you and I am sure that Jake is holding your hand, and once again I can't stop the tears."

The embryologist told us that the embryos thawed beautifully and both look really really good. They were both hatching and that means they are super sticky and ready to imbed into a nice this super sticky lining that we have been prepping for with endless amounts of injections.

 

I was given a valume and then had to drink even more water since the ultrasound showed that it was not full enough. I drank 12 more ounces and then the nurse handed me one more cup and asked me to sip on it since my transfer was still 15 minutes away. As soon as I finished that cup, I looked at Jake and said, "that cup just put me over the edge." My bladder was way too full. 

I was wheeled back to the procedure room which looked a lot like an OR and the doctor did one final scan of my bladder and said that it was very full and I could empty out a cup if I wanted to. Ha!!! There is no way I could start to go and then stop. So I told him to go on with the transfer. 

 

The doctor could see the embryos in my uterus after the transfer. He said they look amazing and are in a great place! Isn't this absolutely remarkable?? 

I spent the next 10 minutes laying down, quiet, waiting very impatiently to be able to pee.....in a bed pan. I have never been so excited to see a bed pan in my whole life. I spent the next, no joke, 5 minutes, at least, of straight peeing. The nurse came in 4 times to see if I was finished. I could not believe it was humanly possible to pee for that long. 

After we left, I was on lay flat bed rest for 48 hours. Now the waiting part. That is where the IVF term 2ww- '2 week wait' comes in. On Monday I will go in for a blood draw to measure hCG, progesterone, and estradiol. 

 

The wait continues but I have a lot of hope that this worked....all of your sticky thoughts are so very much appreciated!! 4 days and counting!!! I dream of that phone call to Shahar and Roi with amazing news!!! Brings me an endless amount of joy!!! This journey has been so rewarding!! It takes my breath away!