I didn't know how or when I would be able to talk about our recent pregnancy loss but my kids have given me courage to share what is on my heart. The three of them have all handled this in their own way. My spunky little Addy sees the good in everything..."That's really sad Mommy. It's okay. We will try again and put two more babies in your tummy. I am so happy for you." Rylon gives me lots of hugs and kisses. Let's me cry and says "Maybe Daddy can buy us a funny movie so we can all laugh together." And then there is our tender hearted Jackson. As soon as he got home from school he asked how the appointment went. He knew something wasn't right and with his voice cracking asks if the baby was still in my tummy. We sat there and cried together. He is worried about Udi and Matan and how they are doing. He is upset that this kind of stuff happens. He wants to fix everything and make it all better. I am thankful to be able to share this with them. It is not easy, but we will get through it together. My beautiful children have hearts made of gold.
After having a few bumps in the road with HCG numbers not doubling initially and our doctor mentioning that "we're not out of the woods yet" at our last ultrasound, we remained hopeful but we didn't know exactly what to expect at our 9 week ultrasound. As soon as the ultrasound began, I knew something wasn't right. We couldn't see the flickering of that precious little heart. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. There are no words to describe what it feels like to mourn the loss of someone else's baby. My heart hurts. I feel like I let Udi and Matan down. I know there is nothing we could have done to prevent this and all of these feeling are part of the healing process. The guys have been absolutely amazing and supportive through all of this. I know this is not a picture perfect journey, but is our journey and I wouldn't have it any other way. Everything happens for a reason and as the guys said to me, "Everything will be amazing."
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